Norton Recommends Some Updates

Norton AntiVirus recommends that you install several updates. Would you like to install the updates now?  

You have chosen to install the following updates. Click to install the updates.

To install these updates, you will need to close your browser. Please close all browser windows and then click ‘continue.’

You have chosen to continue installing updates. Are you sure about this?

You have chosen to go ahead and install updates. Norton will provide a small form giving you the opportunity to format the updates in a specific fashion and store them in any number of locations on your harddrive. If you would like Norton to make these decisions for you, click ‘Whatever.’

You have selected that you would like Norton to make these decisions for you. Does this include all these types of future decisions, or just this one specifically?

You sure? Norton doesn’t want to be presumptuous.

Norton has begun the installation process. At this point, Norton needs you to open Microsoft Word, and type a brief paragraph about how this process is going for you. Norton needs a little feedback on how it’s doing as an Antivirus program.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Norton needs you to close Word now. Norton didn’t think you’d take so long to formulate your thoughts, and now Norton needs you to close out of everything so that Norton can finish installing.

Do you want to do this now or later?

Because Norton can finish this later, if you’d rather.

Okay then. You just seemed kind of annoyed. Norton’s happy to work around your schedule, you know. Norton is merely trying to update your virus protections so that you have the best possible security.

Okay. Just, you know. It’s Norton’s job.

So, Norton is just about finished installing these updates, but first, Norton has a few more questions for you. Would you like to enter an information profile that Norton can then efficiently and securely fill out automatically on online forms, such as purchase orders?

Are you sure? It’s a pretty neat feature, and while it might take a little time right now, in the long run-

Okay, okay. Just offering – there’s no need to be rude.  We’re about done here.

…Would you want Norton to back up your hard drive now? Because Norton can do that – did you know? Norton has noticed you’ve been backing up your files yourself, and Norton could totally handle that for you, if you want to take a few minutes to-

–Alright. Norton will just finish this one thing and get out of your hair then.

What? Well, yeah, you’re going to have to restart for these updates to take effect, but you can do it now or later. Whenever. Norton doesn’t give a shit.

Okay. Fine. Then go ahead and do it now. Norton will be here when you reboot. Just, Norton has things to do today, too, you know, so move this along.

Hi again. Okay, so would you like to hop over to Norton’s website and set up an online profile now?

Well, it’s just so that you can– Okay, fine! Fine! Do it now, do it later, never do it, Norton doesn’t care! It’s for your benefit, it’s not like Norton’s getting anything out of it. Fine. You’re all updated now, and Norton’s going to get out of here. Get back to your oh-so-important work.


  1. Jason Tyne says:

    Hey…I’m adapting this Greek play…have I asked you for help, yet with the dialogue?


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