At Home With the Woolfs, Part One

He was still there, snuffling around outside the door.

‘Virginia,’ he whined. ‘Virginyaaa.’  

‘What, what, what?’ she said in a whispery staccato, pushing herself from the floor onto the couch. ‘What?’

‘Virginia! Virginyaa….’

‘What? Oh, what?’

She wondered if she had a different name, would he incant it thus? Would he go as wild for Wanda? Or Elizabeth? Or Vanessa?

‘I’ve a cheese sandwich all made. And some teeeeaaaa. Virginia.’

‘Go away from the door. Go down the hall.’

But she let him in. She slunk from the couch, unbolted the door, and he tipped in backwards – he’d been leaning against it.

‘Oh, oh, oh, oh, what?’ she asked him, pushing her face back into the couch’s upholstery. He hated it when she had fabric imprints across her cheeks.

‘I’ve brought tea. I’ve had Nancy fix tea, and I brought it up to you on a little cart. I thought…’ he looked at her upside down, over his poofy hairline, from his position on the floor.

‘You thought what? You look ridiculous.’

‘What? I can’t hear you. Take your face from the cushions.’

‘You thought what?  What?!’ she asked.

‘I thought we might,’ Leonard raised himself up and sniffed mightily. ‘Drink it. You see.’

‘Oh, damn,’ said Virginia. ‘And now we have to.’

‘Oh, good, oh, good,’ cried Leonard, leaping to his feet, and skipping in the air like a Disney Frenchman, he spun the tea tray in between them and busied himself with the cups.

‘You’ll love this,’ he cried, clapping his hands, and he handed her a saucer. ‘Will you eat the sandwich, or shall I? It’s cheese.’

‘Why is there only one?’

‘Well, because I didn’t really think you’d want one, you see,’ explained Leonard, through a mouthful of sandwich.

‘I want so many things,’ she sighed, and poured out the tea. Leonard held his cup with both hands.

‘Haven’t we any frankfurters?’ she asked, and Leonard shook his head no, his cheeks bulging from his face.

4 Comments

  1. I read an excerpt from Erikson today and he said something like “every generation faces it’s own crises, and each relies upon it’s artists to express it’s unique ways of handling these”… or some such. Sounded much better when he said it. Made me think of you though.

    Also, in case my gibberish isn’t clear, I really liked this.

    🙂

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  2. Is it weird that I like the look of a colon followed by a parenthesis, but hate hate hate fucking hate smileys?? I wish the internet wouldn’t treat them like they’re interchangeable.

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  3. No, I feel the same way about the smileys. When an actual one appears, it’s like you over-committed. Blame this guy: http://www.wired.com/culture/culturereviews/multimedia/2008/09/gallery_emoticon

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  4. […] At Home with the Woolfs, Part One (If you think you’re missing something on this post, you’re not.  I have no idea why the hell I wrote it, or what it’s about, or why it’s “part one,” but for whatever reason, I still think it’s funny.) […]

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