Once upon a time, an imp appeared to Susan and said, “I strongly advise you to live today as if it is your last day on Earth, because I have it on good authority that tomorrow you will die.”
“But how can I have any fun at all with that hanging over my head?” said Susan, putting down her sandwich.
“I’m just giving you the information. What you do with it is up to you,” said the imp, and it disappeared.
Susan thought a lot about what she’d really want to do on her last day on Earth.
“My last day,” she mused. “My last, laaast day. Now, Susan, don’t think about what you should want to do. Think about what you really do want to do.”
So, Susan went to the drug store and she bought a magnifying mirror and a strong light and a sharp pair of tweezers and a box of pore strips, and then she went home, and she just picked the shit out of her face. I mean, she just destroyed it. She opened up every last pore, and had a really satisfying time, and by the time she was done, she looked like an actress in the last scene of a horror film.
The next morning, Susan was dead. See, the imp had tricked her – she died of joy.
And blood loss.