Once upon a time, a gang of men with guns burst into Patsy’s home, and then, while she cowered in the corner, they handed her a legal pad and pen and screamed at her to write the first thing that came into her mind. “Write, damn you!” they screamed, shoving their guns in her face. One fired a warning shot into the wall beside her. “And whatever you write will be made publicly available and will represent you for the rest of your life, so make it good! Write, woman! WRITE WRITE WRITE, WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, WHAT’S TAKING SO LONG, WRITE IT NOW, BITCH, NOW NOW NOW!”

“Arrrgggh, I don’t know,” screamed Patsy, weeping and writing madly. Patsy was a good woman who led a quite life. She was a wife and mother. She was a social worker who worked with troubled teens and she was very active in her local church. She liked baking and singing in the church chorus, and watching movies with her children. She had never been in a situation like this.

“Okay, time’s up,” the men said, snatching the legal pad away from her. They showed her what she’d written.

It said, “Elephant, elephant, penis, I love little boys, KKK FOREVER!”

“You’re a disgusting person, Patsy,” said one of the men. “It’s good we all know.”

“But,” said Patsy. “I don’t even know what…I’ve never…I didn’t…I wasn’t…”

Another man was looking at Patsy’s paper and shaking his head. “I certainly would never have written these horrible things,” he said. “It never even would have occurred to me.”

“For shame, Patsy,” said another man, and they all left slowly, shaking their heads and giving her one last look of disgust and pity.

Patsy didn’t even know what had happened. “So, that’s it, then,” she thought. She supposed she’d have to change her name and move to Australia.

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