Gum

Responding to a Daily Prompt again:

Think about something that drives you crazy. Now, think about something that makes you happy. Does it change your perspective on the former?

One thing that drives me crazy is when people chew gum with their mouths open. I can’t stand it, it awakens in me a great and hulk-like rage.

Something that makes me really happy is when people praise me. It doesn’t really matter what they praise me about; I just enjoy being praised.

I don’t think that thinking about getting praised would make me more tolerant of a nearby open-mouthed gum chewer. Even if that gum-chewer was the one praising me. I’d be happy for the praise, but I’d still want to murder them.

Sometimes, I’ll be chewing gum, and I’ll notice that I’ve been chewing it with my mouth open without realizing it. Here’s the thing about gum-chewing: when you’re smacking your own gum around, it sounds pretty cool to you. You feel kind of like a tough-talking, gum-chewing cop on a TV show. But the thing is, you don’t sound that way to anyone else. To them, you just sound like someone who needs to be slapped.

Realizing that I do this myself sometimes doesn’t help me tolerate it in others, either. I don’t annoy myself even when I’m being really annoying. That’s why all people should just live their lives alone in separate rooms, chewing gum, and smelling bad, and talking about their boring dreams out of earshot of each other.

3 Comments

  1. I would like to praise you for the perspective you’ve presented here regarding the smacking of gum. I have threatened to eject children (not my own — they know better) from my car for smacking their gum.

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    1. Basking in your praise. Good for you for teaching the next generation! When I was a child, I would NEVER have chewed with my mouth opened. Or slouched. Or called adults by their first names. These kids today.

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  2. uh oh. Now I have to be really really careful when chewing gum around you. I am sure you have wanted to murder me at some point or another. Never again. I promise.

    Like

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