Things I Would Rather Eat Than Turkey

  1. Seafood.
  2. Bacon.
  3. Steak.
  4. Cake.
  5. Strawberries.
  6. An avocado.
  7. A burrito.
  8. A big thing of plain rice.
  9. Half a loaf of bread.
  10. A Powerbar.
  11. Gum.
  12. Some paper.
  13. My own fingernails.
  14. A banana that’s already turned all brown.
  15. Basically anything.

Turkey sucks, is my point. Also? I cannot stand when people refer to mashed potatoes as “the mash” or “the mashed.” What the hell is that all about, seriously?

And actually, now that I think about it, I can’t remember what Thanksgiving is about in the first place. Basically, wasn’t it that the pilgrims came over here so that they could burn their women in the name of religion without anyone giving them shit about it, and then they nearly starved to death because of their incompetence, but then they didn’t, and there was a dinner to celebrate? 

All I know is, I am waiting on an iPad mini to be delivered and there was no mail today, so I don’t see what there is to be so damned thankful about.


  1. Things I would rather eat than turkey:



  2. Richard A. says:

    Turkey is tasty, but not the GMO beasts you find nowadays. But I’d go for seafood over turkey any day, so I guess I kinda agree with you?


  3. people refer to mashed potatoes as “the mash” or “the mashed.”

    The mash. Genius! From now on I will always call it that!


    1. Elizabeth says:

      What have I done?!?


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