Soylent – Day One

Today was my first day of Soylent consumption, and I think it went pretty well, actually! I am one of those people who wakes up kind of nauseous, so I generally start with coffee and then eat something after I’ve been up an hour or so. Usually that would be Cheerios or cookies or whatever, but today it was Soylent.

The Soylent had separated a bit in the fridge:

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Shook it again, poured it, and drank it while I did my morning writing:

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It tastes like pretty much any protein powder — slightly gritty with that protein powder taste. I didn’t notice much of an aftertaste at first, but it built up as the day went on.

At 10, I suited up and went for a 4-mile run up in the foothills. I didn’t feel any different than I usually do energywise, ran at my usual elite 12-minute mile pace. Such athlete, much runner.

Then, it was time to get to work! And to have some more Soylent:

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See it there on the desk? This was handy, actually, because I use a tread-desk and you really can’t eat and walk at the same time so having a drinkable lunch is nice. In case you’re wondering, no, I don’t walk all day. I walk for about two hours and then I just stand there, and sometimes dance a little if the mood strikes me.

I didn’t start to get hungry until around 3:00, which is unusual for me. Usually, I’m ravenous by about noon. When I got hungry, I had yet more Soylent, and then I felt not hungry, which I understand is generally how food is expected to work. I did feel a bit draggy and unfocused, but I had another cup of coffee and that helped.

I knocked off work at about 7 and I was pretty hungry by then, but not a gnawing urgent carb hunger, more of a slow-burn headachy no carb hunger. Finished the rest of the pitcher during my contemplative evening hour (picture me on the couch there, with my pipe and cravat):

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It’s 8:30 now, and I’m not sure if I’m starving, or fine. It is basically impossible for me to go a day without food, so the fact that I’m not hoovering up whatever almonds and week-old hummus are in the kitchen right now is a really excellent sign.

Still, if I see a picture of food I have this panicky WANT THAT, THAT IS A THING I WANT A LOT moment, before I remember I’m doing the Soylent thing, which makes me think I’m hungry.

Also, I’m pretty exhausted and have just a bit of headache, but that’s fairly normal for a long Monday of uninterrupted computer time. I feel like my thoughts are being slow and sludgy like…like Soylent. I’m having trouble coming up with original similes.

I’d read that Soylent makes people gassy and indeed, yes. It smells like a tire fire in here. But it was the same for the two months last year I was being vegan, so that’s not really Soylent’s fault, so much as the human digestive system’s.

Otherwise, I think I’m probably going to get really hungry before I fall asleep in two hours here. But I can see using Soylent as a meal replacement for breakfast and lunch and then just eating dinner. I’ve tried to do that with other meal-replacements, but they’re all meant for weight-loss and are like 250 calories and full of sugar. That sort of thing just makes me Hulk smash hungry all day long, whereas this has not so far.

But writing this has made me realize two things: first of all, Soylent makes really lousy food porn, huh? Now that you’ve seen all the various areas of my house, I’m going to have to think of a way to make the pictures more fun for the rest of the week.

And second, holy shit, my life is boring! This isn’t news to me, and I’m completely cool with it, obviously, but seeing it spelled out like this for others is a little embarrassing.

Let’s just say I’m leaving the house right now to go clubbing with Yelpers, or whatever it is the kids do these days (foam dancing? Ecstasy? Are these still things at all good God I’m fucking old), instead of about to crawl into bed with a volume of William James essays. I mean, you can’t exactly prove I’m not, what do you know, anyway, and what do you do that’s so damned awesome?

…I might be a little bit hungry.

2 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I hate to tell ya this, but I see a 20lbs. turkey, cornbread dressing, craneberry sauce, baked corn, green beans almondine, stuffing, parker house rolls, gravy, pumpkin and pecan pie, and ice cream in your immediate future. At least I better see it!

    I want you to put down the soylent (really?) walk away, and pause for a moment, and think about bacon.

    You’ve changed.

    Like

  2. Lost it at “tire fire”

    Like

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