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Last night, I arrived home with a bottle of wine, only to be unable to find my wine tool anywhere. This is odd because I live alone, have never had anyone over, and am not the sort of person who misplaces things. But it was nowhere to be found. I tried with no success to open the wine with scissors and a knife before hitting on this brilliant solution of screwing a screw into the cork, and then using pliers to pull it out.

I’m ok with admitting this is really the smartest and most capable I have ever felt in my entire life, and I’m still kind of depressed there weren’t witnesses.

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