Three Wishes

After much thought, I think I have arrived on the final set of three wishes I would make should a genie ever present me with the option:

  1. Make me independently wealthy, such that forever after I will have all the money I want to do whatever I feel like doing without ever having to work for it or worry about it.
  2. Make me a white American man who looks exactly like Jon Hamm.
  3. Give me an IQ of 160.

I’m assuming that these wishes would all be in addition to whatever I already have; and not any tricksy nonsense like I get all of that and then also, surprise, I get inoperable cancer that will claim my life in one month or some shit. I would receive these three wishes only and NO OTHER CHANGES. I’d get this clarification first, in writing, and if this wasn’t the deal, I wouldn’t make any wishes at all.

Also, note that these wishes are those that will set me up personally for the maximum success and enjoyment a person could potentially have in the world we find ourselves in today. I would not waste my wishes on a better world, as I’m not convinced this particular one we’re living in will even make it more than a hundred more years into the future. I just want to have a good time with whatever time I have, and if I had the three characteristics above, my life would be BANANAS fun.


  1. Why an IQ of 160? The evidence I’ve observed does not tend to suggest that raising your intellect increases your life satisfaction. If your goal is just to have a good time I think you’d be happier sending your IQ lower, not higher.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A good “Elizabeth” time. My idea of a good time is probably different from most people’s. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      1. HAHAHAHAHAHA. You win. In that case, I want to know what 3 wishes the Elizabeth from your college days would have made.

        Liked by 3 people

        1. She would have wasted them all on some worthless bullshit like being really skinny and having a voice like Maria Callas.


          1. So immature of her. Not at all like your wise and egalitarian desires for unlimited wealth and personal genius.

            Liked by 2 people

  2. I’d warn against the high intelligence wish because 1) smart people are unhappy, 2) you’re already smart enough, as shown by you not wasting your wishes on trying to change the world.


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