I’ve been busy and I’ve also been thinking about being busy, and about jobs and women and parenting and families, and I think that all of the arguing boils down to the fact that, for ordinary people with ordinary energy levels, only the following configurations are possible:
A single person may have:
- One career;
- One job + one hobby¹; or
- One job + children.
A couple may have:
- Two careers;
- Two jobs + two hobbies;
- One career + one job + one hobby;
- One career + one job + children;
- One career + one hobby + children;
- Two jobs + one hobby + children; or
- One job + two hobbies + children.
But that’s it! Other configurations will not work, which means that if you are a couple with children, only one of you can have an actual career as opposed to a mere job, and even if you both have mere jobs, only one of you can have time to yourself regularly.
We should all probably be aware of this stuff going in, and agree on who gets to have what, and stick to it.
¹ “Hobby” in this case being a regular pursuit of any kind that requires an hour or so per day to oneself.