The Scout Guide to Living Whitely

Recently, I received a circular in the mail entitled “The Scout Guide: Austin, Texas.” It was printed on really nice paper, so I flipped through it briefly as I carried it and all my other mail directly to the recycling bin as usual. At first, it seemed like your usual booklet of ads for upmarket stores, but then I started noticing something odd about it.

All the photos looked…similar.

In fact, all the photos were so incredibly consistent that it began to seem downright eerie.

Binders full of pretty young white women…with boutiques! Is it possible this is some sort of rich white people debutante tradition that I don’t know about? Is ‘comes with her own boutique’ some sort of new dowry in the South? Maybe this catalogue is really a thinly veiled ‘eligible bachelorettes of Austin’ register.

I googled ‘Scout Guide Aryan Nations’ just to check, but it didn’t turn up anything.

There are a few guys in it, too, but they are pretty outnumbered.

I adore the fact that Todd, Ben, Michael, and Scott here (actual names) all coordinated their outfits down to the shoes for this shoot.

Also, somewhere out there, I know Logan has a secret blog about what it’s like to make meringues with Kelsey, Kristin, Taylor, and Kayleigh (actual names) and I want to read it more than I’ve ever wanted to read anything.

The back of this catalogue explains that “The Scout Guide is a collection of city guides dedicated to living beautifully, living well, and living like an insider.”

Hahahahaha! Austin! Imagine paying to be listed in something like this and not even realizing you should be embarrassed. Only in the South.  

In this season of shortening days and Trump, laughing at this advertising pamphlet briefly brightened my day; I hope it does yours, too.