Y’all, I got sick of the word games. I played all of them obsessively for like a week, and now I’m over it. No interest whatsoever.
This is why I never got into video games. Or, well really, now that I think about it, it’s why I’ve never gotten into anything. I get stale on stuff after I’ve experienced it a few times and then I’m genuinely good to never do it ever again. Like, I only ever needed a couple of Christmases or Thanksgivings; I could happily never have another one (except now that I have a baby, I’m reinvested). I do not ever want to hear the same joke more than once, which makes being around most people an unending trial of patience. I don’t rewatch things I enjoyed (unless I’m sharing them with someone who hasn’t seen them), I don’t re-read books I loved.
I am very jealous of other people’s interests — that they can garden or knit or do distance running or learn how to code, and every day that they bend themselves to that activity, they find satisfaction and absorption, they feel genuine interest in those small indications of progress, the creeping journey from novice to expert.
Meanwhile, I cannot be fucked. I need shallow novelty constantly or my mind wanders off into the atmosphere (or I quite literally fall asleep sitting up). The only thing I can sustain interest in (and for infinitely longer than other people) is reading, because it is passively entering endlessly new experiences, over and over, without having to move.
This lack of deep, sustained interest in anything at all is a real problem. I have never had a hobby and I have a hard time developing skills or learning anything at a deep level. Sometimes I even think my lack of ability to build and sustain new relationships is because human social interaction is of necessity very repetitive and I can’t keep my mind on it. Am I broken in some way or just fundamentally stupid or both?
Well, we are who we are and I’m a hopeless dilettante and I guess that’s something I have to accept about myself.
What was I talking about? Right, Wordle. I’m sick of it.