Category: Humor

2016 In Tweets

Over the past few years, I’ve somehow ended up tweeting more than blogging. When Twitter first became popular, I thought there was no way I’d ever be active on it, because I didn’t think I was capable of being funny in a concise format. My sense of humor has always been relentlessly (often tediously) longform. But then […]

The Scout Guide to Living Whitely

Recently, I received a circular in the mail entitled “The Scout Guide: Austin, Texas.” It was printed on really nice paper, so I flipped through it briefly as I carried it and all my other mail directly to the recycling bin as usual. At first, it seemed like your usual booklet of ads for upmarket stores, but then I started […]

And a Thousand Stars Shot From Our Noses

I drove past the old apartment the other day. I looked up at the window, and half expected to see you, looking down — But of course, you were long gone from that old place, and furthermore, were in the passenger seat right next to me.  

Twitter

So, awhile back, I quit Facebook, on which I had been wasting lots of time, and joined Twitter, on which I have been wasting barely any time. I don’t really get Twitter – probably mostly because if there’s anything I’m not, it’s concise. But last night, I finally participated in one of the trending topics, […]

How to Save Time and Money During the Holiday Season

There is no grimmer, more exhausting and unnecessarily stressful time of year than the holidays, during which period we all perform ceaseless obligations under the guise of joyous festivity. Decorating, cooking, buying and wrapping gifts, caroling, going to cocktail parties and midnight masses…all in under one month, and all despite the fact that nearly everybody […]

I’ve Been Watching: Avatar

Let me spare you the $14 and nearly three hours of your life you might otherwise waste on this piece of shit movie, and recap it here for your convenience: Lights up on Average G.I. Joe, in a sleeping drawer from the Fifth Element set, installed in the giant room from The Matrix.