Category: Humor

I’ve Been Watching: Avatar

Let me spare you the $14 and nearly three hours of your life you might otherwise waste on this piece of shit movie, and recap it here for your convenience: Lights up on Average G.I. Joe, in a sleeping drawer from the Fifth Element set, installed in the giant room from The Matrix.  

Elizabeth Barrett Loves Christian Bale

Hi everyone!  If you are not on my email list, you may be unaware that on Monday, October 27 at 9:30p.m., I’m performing a brief, funny one-woman show at Manhattan Theatre Source!  Here are the details – if you’re in the NYC area, come check it out!! Elizabeth Barrett Loves Christian Bale Written and performed […]

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

I am here to speak to you today about dreams. You are all young people, and young people ought to have dreams – big ones, bold ones. Big, bold, wild, wonderful, wacky dreams. I hope you have them.

Kaley Cuoco Is the Most Depressing Person Alive

So, I recently joined the YMCA in my neighborhood.  As it’s been over two years since I belonged to a gym and had regular access to weights, I’ve entirely forgotten my old regimen.  So, I bought a few women’s exercise-type magazines to find a couple of routines.  I usually steer clear of women’s magazines because […]

Argh! *Cough* Oh, Excuse Me

Heyyy, matey. Well, as you can see the lads and I have been talking, and this is really just so awkward, but we all feel that it’s time you left us, and hopped on over that plank. I know, I know, it’s sooo awful, but I just can’t help but feel you’re fomenting a mutiny.

Elizabeth Bennet’s Missed Connections

To the Foreign Gentleman (in the newsstand who complimented my bustle this morning): You and I are similarly of low fortune. While in rare circumstances, a certain charm and affection can make up for a deficiency in income (for a time), in our case, no such affinity exists, and we would surely be as miserable […]