The thoughts, opinions, and occasional rantings of Elizabeth Urello.
Let me spare you the $14 and nearly three hours of your life you might otherwise waste on this piece of shit movie, and recap it here for your convenience:
Lights up on Average G.I. Joe, in a sleeping drawer from the Fifth Element set, installed in the giant room from The Matrix. Continue reading “I’ve Been Watching: Avatar“
Why do I stir my coffee counterclockwise? Is this more effective, or merely habit? Is it perhaps offensive + off-putting to others? Do not stir coffee counterclockwise, unless certain culture is tolerant of same. Continue reading “Further Excerpts From Susan Sontag’s Journals and Notebooks”
Hi everyone! If you are not on my email list, you may be unaware that on Monday, October 27 at 9:30p.m., I’m performing a brief, funny one-woman show at Manhattan Theatre Source! Here are the details – if you’re in the NYC area, come check it out!!
Elizabeth Barrett Loves Christian Bale
Written and performed by Elizabeth Urello
Directed by Joe Beuerlein
A scandalous love affair between a 19th-century teenage agoraphobic poet, and a 21st-century Hollywood film star…an affair conducted entirely through letters and ending in heartbreak…but whose? Elizabeth Barrett Loves Christian Bale will bring back memories of all the times you loved and lost, back before you were brave enough to leave your childhood bedroom.
Presented as part of Manhattan Theatre Source’s EstroGenius 2008 Festival, in the Sola Voce showcase of solo shows. One performance only — Monday, October 27th, 9:30 p.m. at Manhattan Theatre Source!
I am here to speak to you today about dreams. You are all young people, and young people ought to have dreams – big ones, bold ones. Big, bold, wild, wonderful, wacky dreams. I hope you have them. Continue reading “Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams”
Welcome to self-diagnosis.com. Please utilize the following symptom checker to obtain your diagnosis:
1. Do you feel that you are more unhappy than most other people? Continue reading “The Most Accurate Diagnosis”
So, I recently joined the YMCA in my neighborhood. As it’s been over two years since I belonged to a gym and had regular access to weights, I’ve entirely forgotten my old regimen. So, I bought a few women’s exercise-type magazines to find a couple of routines. I usually steer clear of women’s magazines because they tend to make me both angry and depressed, and these were no exception. Continue reading “Kaley Cuoco Is the Most Depressing Person Alive”
Heyyy, matey. Well, as you can see the lads and I have been talking, and this is really just so awkward, but we all feel that it’s time you left us, and hopped on over that plank. I know, I know, it’s sooo awful, but I just can’t help but feel you’re fomenting a mutiny. Continue reading “Argh! *Cough* Oh, Excuse Me”
Those who remove sta-
-ple removers from copy
rooms should be shot dead.
He was still there, snuffling around outside the door.
‘Virginia,’ he whined. ‘Virginyaaa.’ Continue reading “At Home With the Woolfs, Part One”
To the Foreign Gentleman
(in the newsstand who complimented my bustle this morning):
You and I are similarly of low fortune. While in rare circumstances, a certain charm and affection can make up for a deficiency in income (for a time), in our case, no such affinity exists, and we would surely be as miserable as ever two people could be. Continue reading “Elizabeth Bennet’s Missed Connections”
Accismus