Horror Movies

At some point, I lost the ability to be frightened by horror movies. I still enjoy them — in fact, they’re some of my favorite types of movies — but they don’t scare me at all. It is not unusual for me to watch a horror movie alone in my house in bed at midnight, turn it off, roll over and go right to sleep. Or it wasn’t, before I had a baby; now I would never be up at midnight.

I don’t really know when I stopped being afraid of horror movies, but I think it’s in part because fear-based entertainment feels political and antifeminist to me and it mostly makes me angry, which takes me out of being frightened. Let me explain.

I am a single woman. I have always been a single woman. I really enjoy being a single woman, I love living alone, I love traveling alone, I love running alone in the countryside, earbuds in. I very rarely feel afraid, because by all objective measures, I am one of the safest people on the planet, and in fact, one of the safest individuals who has ever lived in all of recorded human history. I do feel very, very afraid every time I get in a car, but that’s another post.

And yet, all of society is hell-bent on trying to make women like me feel deeply, constantly imperiled and afraid, and annoyingly, they very often succeed! Any number of privileged white women are constantly terrified of things that will never happen to them; they gather in small groups and bond by stoking each other’s fear, telling each other horror stories about how vulnerable they are, how vulnerable all women are, every minute, we’re all seconds away from being raped, murdered, dismembered in the streets.

Wealthy white women in upperclass American neighborhoods — the safest population of people who have ever existed — are genuinely afraid to spend a night in their own houses alone without their husbands.

Who does all this pointless dependency serve? Certainly not women. Certainly not populations who really are in physical danger all the time. Certainly not the 20 Americans on average who are being physically abused by their intimate partner at any given minute on any given day.

If we’re all busy being scared of stranger danger that doesn’t exist, we very helpfully continue to ignore the many everyday very socially well-integrated and swell guys who regularly beat the shit out of their own families, rape their girlfriends, molest the neighbor kid, murder their wives. We can continue to be surprised that this is what violence looks like despite the fact that this is and has always been what violence looks like, because we expect it to look like a creepy stranger slowly unlocking the window in the night. This works great for abusive people! No matter how often they show themselves, we still fail to see them!

If white women with resources are so concerned about their own possible peril, they’re not going to go out and start upending social systems that are working very well for abusive people. They aren’t going to use their secure position to effect change, because they don’t think they are secure; they think they are unstable.

And you’re going to be a lot more likely to fall prey to an abusive man if you think you are more vulnerable alone than you are with him. Ironically, it’s the opposite. I saw this happen with a friend of mine in college — she had a really scary experience where a stranger followed her in his truck when she was going home at 2:00am. Her abusive boyfriend then leveraged her fear from that experience to further control her at all times — if she failed to tell him where she was going or call him exactly when she got home, he’d rail at her that he was just trying to take care of her; if he didn’t hear from her, how did he know she wasn’t raped and murdered by someone like that guy in the truck? She was trapped in that relationship for over two years.

Anyway, when I’m watching a horror movie, I inevitably start thinking about all this, and it takes me right out of it. I don’t really understand how you can be afraid of ghosts when you live in a patriarchy.

I Don’t Want to Vote for a Rapist!

I am so tired of this! I 100% believe all these women — Biden did this. Trump did everything he was accused of, and Kavanaugh did, and Thomas did, and Bill Clinton did, and Hillary Clinton enabled who her husband was and benefited from her partnership with him and defended him and did not care what he did to other women. And none of these men even really think they did anything wrong, because they think rape is knocking a total stranger over the head in an alley and anything short of that is fair game when it comes to women. Bernie is the best of the bunch when it comes to how he’s treated women, and he’s a deadbeat dad. 

What the fuck! Why does this keep happening! Most people are not rapists, so why am I continually forced into voting for one for the highest office in the land? Is it on purpose? It sure starts to feel like it! Is it to coerce all women to just abdicate the vote because they’re so disgusted they can’t bear to participate in politics, thus letting men run everything by default? Maybe! It feels intentional! 

I don’t let women off the hook for this either! Stop marrying men who hate women! Stop excusing them and accommodating them and making their lives comfy for them and having children with them who then learn from them! Stop it! Just stay single, goddamn! 

The Eternal Battle Against Entropy, and My $60 Pillow

For most of my adult life, I lived in very expensive cities on about $30k, which means that I lived in small spaces with several other people, and my furniture was generally of the found or scrounged variety. I was always fairly comfortable in my surroundings (if you discounted the auditory and olfactory senses), but I very rarely spoiled myself with a new Nice Thing.Continue reading “The Eternal Battle Against Entropy, and My $60 Pillow”

Merry Christmas! And People Disgust Me

I hope everyone had nice holidays. My Christmas was fantastic, but I’d rather skip over that and bitch about the horrible time I had flying home. On the first leg, I was sitting next to a woman in her 50s who had a giant wad of bubble gum in her mouth and who blew big, cracking bubbles for the entire flight. I have already expressed my feelings about open-mouthed gum chewing. I could hear her even through my earplugs.  Continue reading “Merry Christmas! And People Disgust Me”

My friend Chris has been fighting the good fight, writing letters to various corporations to hold them accountable for their sins. Tonight, we joined forces to preach truth to Target, on behalf of rabbit owners everywhere:

Dear Target,

The name of your company is apt, as we’re certain that many dreams across these United States involve hurling sharp projectiles at your architecturally uninspired retail locations. We assure you, however, that we’re unlike such dreamers.

We are unlike such dreamers, for we can no longer dream.

Read the rest at Gunky.org.


On Second Thought, I Don’t Like Running. At All.

Since my senior year of high school, I’ve been a runner. This does not mean that I enjoy or take pride in running, or do it well. This means that I shove myself out the door anywhere from once every other month to six times a week and trot miserably around the neighborhood or park for anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour.

I do this because if I stop doing it for more than three months, when I jog up a flight of stairs, I feel like my lungs are going to explode. Continue reading “On Second Thought, I Don’t Like Running. At All.”