How are things at school? Your mom tells me you’ve decided to major in literature, and I think that’s fine. I used to be a great reader, but as I got older and had children, I just got too busy. I suppose I have plenty of time to read now, though – I don’t know why I don’t! If you read anything good, tell me. I’ll read it.
Grandma Continue reading “A Literary Correspondence”
You torture me, teahouse fox. I sit at this desk, nine-to-five, five days a week (if I’m lucky: sometimes much longer), thinking, worrying, slaving and perspiring, and all in pursuit of what? Money? Success? Respect? The ever-elusive American dream?Maybe you’ve got the right idea, teahouse fox. Living your pastoral existence. Picking oranges, doing laundry, having tea on the dock in the evenings. That’s life, right there. You don’t care about money. You don’t care about fame. You don’t even seem to need the companionship of other foxes: fireflies, geese and caterpillars seem to give you all the company you need. You taunt me with your contentment. As I am madly reviewing accounts and formatting spreadsheets, you are rowing your boat around the pond. How Thoreau-ish of you. Continue reading “Ode to igoogle’s Teahouse Theme”
1. How often do you check MySpace?
(a) Once a year.
(d) With each pulse. Continue reading “Yet Another MySpace Quiz”
I am currently accepting unsolicited submissions for casual first dates. If you wish your application to be successful, here are a few guidelines that, if followed, may increase your chances of acceptance: Continue reading “My Submissions Guidelines”
“Hi…I was told you buy vehicles here to sell for parts?”
“Maybe. What you got?”
“Here she is, right here.”
“Is that a trolley?” Continue reading “A Conversation About a Trolley”
Here are some things that, in the past week, provoked a big, loud, involuntary guffaw, followed by the immediate realization that my laughter may have been inappropriate:
- A girl sitting near me in the park sobbed into her phone, ‘I mean, at this point, I’m the same as someone who didn’t work at all in school, and just got C’s, and barely passed!’
Continue reading “I Probably Shouldn’t Have Laughed”
I returned home the other night to find a small bird scrabbling along the bottom of the door into my apartment building. Continue reading “Amazing Real-Life Adventure: Bird Encounter!”
Identification: Please identify and state the news or historical significance of the following:
1. Name the Mayor of New York City
As a (however recently arrived) local, I understand and support that the first question in this series should touch on New York City governance. Continue reading “I Take the Columbia School of Journalism’s Prospective Students Practice Test, and Realize I Am Far Too Stupid for Columbia and Possibly for Grad School in General”
At twenty-four, I was more or less washed up. I had no friends, I had no job, I had no life, and no one cared about me. It was then that I discovered LARPing.
…Actually, to be 100% accurate, I did have sort of a life. I had a couple friends, but they were more like acquaintances, and I had an aunt in Maine who loved me very much, but I rarely saw her. Continue reading “Scrupulously Factual Memoirs”
“Oh, hi. Oh, goodness, we’ve not even looked at the menu yet. Well, I know Chanteuse will have…something light. She’s got a shoot today – she’s an actress: stage, tv, film and radio. And she does print-work. Only nine years old. Amazingly talented. Have you seen the movie version of ‘Sleepover Club: Mary’s Exasperating Charge?’ No? Oh. Continue reading “An Amazingly Talented Child”