Oh, don’t give me those big eyes. I know, I know, you’re just as original and innovative as you can be, aren’t you? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!
I just love art, but I sponsor too much as it is. Harold has forbidden me from going to theatres and gallery openings and benefits, because he says I’m just too big a softy. But I can’t help it – I wish that I could take all the art in the world home with me. Continue reading “I’m A Sucker For Arts”
Two yards over from us, right outside my window, there’s a family with 24 children. Now that the weather’s nice, the children are let out of the house at about 9:00 a.m. and they remain outside until midnight…or even later. Now, I’m pretty outspoken about the fact that I don’t much care for children, but even if you think the little darlings are presh, you would probably agree with me that these particular children blow. I mean, they are just the worst freaking children ever. Continue reading “The Warm Weather Has Brought Them All Out”
Are you brave enough to take on these death-defying tasks? Are you man enough to go where no man has gone before? Are you bold enough to attempt the impossible? Take my challenge: prove your mettle by performing one or more of these terrifying stunts: Continue reading “Stunning Feats of Bravery”
Having nothing else to do this past weekend, and feeling a little cluttered, I decided to tackle one of those back-burner projects and weed through my wardrobe. Time to toss the things I really haven’t worn in a year…or two…or five. I’m not a snazzy dresser – I’m very much a jeans-and-T-shirt kind of girl – and I’m amazed by the sorts of things that I’ll occasionally acquire, never wear, and hang onto for years. Why do I keep them? Do I secretly think they’re really awesome? In what circumstances would I ever, ever actually don such garments and leave the house? No more. Continue reading “Spring Wardrobe Purge”
(Prelude: On Tuesday, an envelope arrives under the door of apartment 1, heralding a rent increase of $300 and a year-lease to begin June 1st, and generously permitting four days for decision-making purposes.)
Does “BSC” mean anything to you? If not, then you will have no interest in What Claudia Wore, but if, like me, BSC pretty much encapsulates your entire girlhood, you will love it and should check it out immediately.
Obviously, the big news in Olive Garden advertising lately is that one of their spots features a man saying, “I’m in the mood for something different,” to his Olive Garden server. Which is rather like moving into a gated subdivision because you want to live in a diverse community. But less frequently remarked upon is an earlier spot for the same restaurant, in which a server asks a customer, “How was that?” And he replies, “It really hit the spot.” And everyone at the table bursts into laughter, as if he’d made a joke. But “it really hit the spot” is not a joke on any level. It’s just a comment. Continue reading “I Hate Ads VI”
Listen, by this point, I’ve more or less reconciled myself to your presence. I mean, it’s fine, I guess. We just have to share a space, and I can accept that. However, I have to admit, I worry…how closely do you observe normal mortal notions of privacy? I mean, do you watch me…all the time? Or do you, like, stay out of the bathroom and so forth? Continue reading “Letters To the Ghost In My House”