Aesop’s Fables

Now, then, Ryan. Go to sleep my little man, and I’ll read you…what’s this? Ah yes, Aesop’s Fables. These are good – each with a moral at the end, I remember from when I was a boy. Good advice, all of them, but a bit outdated now, I think. Could probably stand to be revised a bit for today’s world.  Continue reading “Aesop’s Fables”

Diet Tips

Tried all the old favorites, but still obese? Here are some fresh, new tactics to try:

  • Keep a pair of dice in the kitchen. You only get to eat when you roll double sixes.

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Amazing Real-Life Adventure: Purse-Snatching in Brooklyn!

A couple nights ago, my purse was snatched by a tall, skinny kid with short dreads and fashionable jeans. At the time, I was standing on a deserted street corner at 3 a.m., fighting with a broken umbrella. I’d just had a martini the size of my head, and I was wearing headphones. Clearly, I was begging for it, but yet somehow, I was still utterly shocked that it happened. Continue reading “Amazing Real-Life Adventure: Purse-Snatching in Brooklyn!”

Substandard Dystopias

Alex rolled his taped-open eyes. The reeducation teacher had been fooling with the projector for half-an-hour now.

‘Sorry, guys,’ the teacher said now. ‘But I cannot get this freaking thing to work. Oh, well. I guess today we’ll just watch one of the movie downloads on my Mac. You want Grosse Point Blank or Two Towers?’  Continue reading “Substandard Dystopias”

Lost Spoilers

  • Claire moves into the others’ suburban community so that she can finally obtain and enforce a restraining order against Charlie.


  • Desmond hits on Claire. When she rebuffs him, he reminds her that he can see the future, and thus her eventual submission is a foregone conclusion. She figures, what the hell. Their super hot accents make them a hit at the others’ cocktail parties.

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Low-Food Cafe

Low-Food Cafe

The Low-Food Cafe is a low-cal, low-fat, low-carb, low-food cafe that features dishes for the acetic gourmet. Chef Angie Brentworth has been living and cooking with anorexia nervosa for seven years, and opened Low-Food Cafe to supply abstainers with convenient, low-food entrees at reasonable prices.* Continue reading “Low-Food Cafe”