Adventures In Security

I bought a house in the Texan suburbs. If you’re my age and you haven’t bought property yet, you likely think you can’t afford it. Well, let me tell you: you can’t. No one can. Buying a house is stupid. Everyone continues to tell me what a great investment I have made, and I did all the financial things you are supposed to do, but by the time I’ve paid off my mortgage, I will have paid double the sales price of the house. And that doesn’t count all the money I put into upkeep and improvements which, one week…

While I’m At Work, and You Are Home Alone This Summer

Never answer the door. No matter how many times somebody knocks, or what they say – I don’t care if they say they have a package, or ice cream, or a check for a million dollars – do NOT under any circumstances open the door. Even if they say they are me – don’t answer the door! I don’t care if they sound precisely like me, or if, when you look through the keyhole, they look exactly like me. Perhaps they took a voice-training class and learned to emulate my voice perfectly, and then took a photo of me and…